The Animal Series
by Leesa Perrie
Summary: Written for the SGAFlashfic animal challenge. Sam, Rodney, John, Radek, Elizabeth, bots... LOTS of silliness...
1. One: The Cattiness of Samantha Carter

**The Animal Series**

**Part 1: The Cattiness of Samantha Carter**

**By Leesa Perrie**

_For the SGAFlashfic Animal ChallengeSet during latter part of Season 3 but no real spoilers for Atlantis. However, there are spoilers for SG1's episode 'The Road Not Taken', in the latter half of Season 10._

Sam couldn't believe she was doing this. Really, she couldn't. It was all the fault of one Jeannie Miller, of course.

She'd kept in contact with McKay's sister, who had come up with a few interesting theories about various aspects of physics, and who was also a gold mine of interesting, and occasionally embarrassing, stories about a certain Meredith Rodney McKay. Unlikely though it might seem, Jeannie and Sam had struck up a friendship, much to a certain astrophysicist's disgust, she was certain.

Of course, in amongst the embarrassing stories were a few that had given her a little bit of understanding of how McKay had become so, so…McKay-like. It would seem his little confession to her all that time ago about a not so comfortable childhood had been an understatement. Not that she was going to feel sorry for the guy. Absolutely no way was she going to do that.

She sighed. So why was she doing this?

Jeannie had mentioned that whilst Rodney was visiting her at Christmas, he had talked about his cat. He'd confided, after a few too many drinks to be sure, that he missed his cat badly, and that he, the cat, had been the best friend Rodney had ever had for a long time, before finding a home on Atlantis.

That was somehow very sad; that a cat could have been his best friend. But she refused to feel sorry for him. It was his own fault for driving everyone away in the first place. For being such an arrogant jerk, an ass, a sarcastic egotistical pain in the...

So why was she building him a cat-bot? And not just any cat-bot, but the best cat-bot ever built on Earth, using all her knowledge of alien technology, to make it as lifelike as possible?

She couldn't answer that question, and that was even more annoying than McKay himself.

Though it was she was sure in part to do with her recent trip to another universe. _That_ McKay she had felt sorry for, once she had gotten over the shock that her counterpart had been _married_ to him. Something she truly hoped McKay didn't find out, or he'd be even more insufferable than he already was. But she was to blame for the situation that the alternate McKay found himself in before she'd returned to her own universe, and she still felt guilty for that. So maybe that was why she was doing this.

Of course, when she sent the bot, she wasn't going to let him know it was from her. Oh, sure, he might suspect it, but she would never confirm it to him.

She grinned. That would probably drive him crazy.

Good.

* * *

**Two Months later, Atlantis**

The label had been printed, and there was no note or letter in the parcel, so he didn't know who had sent this to him, but he could guess. He suspected that Jeannie had said something in passing to a certain blonde Lieutenant Colonel back on Earth, and for some unknown reason said Colonel had built him this. He grinned smugly. So she did like him, after all.

Of course, he couldn't prove she had sent it to him, and he just knew she was going to deny all knowledge of it if he brought it up with her. And wasn't that just so frustrating.

At least he knew that she liked him. Okay, not in the way he wanted, despite his dreams, despite his hallucination even.

So, what was he going to call his new toy? A sly grin grew. Oh yeah, now _that_ would drive her crazy if she ever found out, and somehow he had a feeling that _someone_ would tell her. All he had to do was drop it into a conversation next time he had too much to drink at Jeannie's…

He took the cat-bot out of its box, placed it on the floor of his quarters and switched it on.

"Hello, Sam-Bot, welcome to your new home…"

The End


	2. Two: The Doggedness of Elizabeth Weir

**The Animal Series**

**Part 2: The Doggedness of Elizabeth Weir**

**By Leesa Perrie**

_For the SGAFlashfic Animal challenge_

_Set after shortly after 'The Game'_

John and Rodney had disappeared off somewhere, apparently with Radek in tow, according to Miko, who Elizabeth had contacted to try and find her two missing Head of Departments. They were late for a meeting, and okay, she had told them to take a few hours off from work, to get some rest after a few very hectic days, but she had expected them to turn up for the late afternoon meeting just the same, and she was sure she had told them so.

It didn't help that she'd confiscated their radios to ensure they got some rest.

She decided to contact Radek, who presumably was wearing his radio, and was reportedly with them, wherever they had vanished to.

He responded, and then apologised that they had seemingly lost track of time, and that he would send them up to her ASAP.

"Radek, what _is_ that noise in the background?" she asked. "It sounds like a dog barking…"

"Oh, um, that," Radek said, sounding flustered. "It is nothing. Just a…DVD we are watching."

Elizabeth sighed, but decided to let it go. Radek was not much better at lying than Rodney, at least not to her. She decided to ask her missing miscreants about it, after the meeting.

Ten minutes later, two rather shamefaced individuals appeared in the meeting room, apologising for being late. Well, one was more shamefaced than the other, but then it wasn't exactly a natural look for Rodney. In fact, at no point did she remember him looking shamefaced even after blowing up most of a solar system, so she shouldn't expect it of him now.

She accepted their apologies and got on with the meeting. Afterwards, she was briefly detained by a question from Carson, and they slipped quietly out.

Damn them.

* * *

In the end, she went looking for them, as they had disappeared again and Radek was less than forthcoming about where they were, saying he had not seen them since they had headed to her meeting, even though she was sure she heard Rodney's raised voice in the background. And more barking.

Eventually she tracked them down to a little used lab, and yes, that was _definitely_ barking that she heard. Had they managed to smuggle a dog in somehow? Wait a minute…was that a cat? She grimaced. She really hoped that they hadn't smuggled animals into Atlantis, as she really, really didn't want the paperwork and hassle that would mean. Not to mention having to discipline them, so as to dissuade others from following their example. She wouldn't put it past them, though. Recent events with a certain game had made her think anything was possible with those two.

But the sight that met her when she entered the lab had her shocked for all of a few seconds, and then she laughed. Three pairs of sheepish eyes turned to her.

"So this is what you've been up to in your spare time?" she asked lightly.

"Um…" Rodney, for once, seemed lost for words.

"They're very cute," she continued.

"Cute?" Rodney was horrified. "They are_ not_ cute! They are…"

"…a mix of complex computing and robotics," Radek interjected, looking offended at the 'cute' label as well.

"Yes, yes, all that. _Not_ cute."

"Well, you have to admit, they do have a certain cuteness about them," Sheppard said with a grin, only to be nailed by two very annoyed scientists.

Elizabeth shook her head.

"Why did you decide to build them?"

"Ah, well, Sheppard saw the cat-bot that an unnamed person, an unnamed but probably blonde and obviously liking me person more than she wants to admit to, sent me..." Rodney started, a smitten look crossing his face briefly.

"The Colonel want dog-bot. I was intrigued by idea," Radek put in.

"And of course, anything Carter can do, McKay can do better..." John said with a sly grin, making Elizabeth have to smother a laugh at his blatant manipulation of Rodney's ego to get what he wanted.

"So, do they have names?" she asked, once she knew she wouldn't laugh.

"Of course not, they're just bots…" Rodney started.

"The dog-bot's called Rover, and the cat-bot's called…" Sheppard started, but was interrupted by Rodney.

"Oh, how unimaginative! Rover! Really," he said snidely.

"Better than Sam-Bot," John replied with a grin.

Rodney blushed furiously, and Elizabeth had to choke back a laugh, thinking of a certain whale and wondering to herself how many other creatures or bots were going to be named after a certain astrophysicist on Earth. A chuckle at the thought of Carter's face if she ever found out escaped, before she pulled herself together, ignoring Rodney's glare.

"How dog and catlike are they?"

"Very. Of course, the dog is better, as I programmed it myself," Rodney said, his chest puffing up in pride.

"We programmed it," Radek reminded him.

"Yes, yes, of course you helped as much as you could…"

Sheppard rolled his eyes, and Elizabeth smiled.

"Rodney," she said sweetly. "I think it's wonderful of you to offer to build bots for anyone here who is missing their pet…"

"What? I did no such thing…"

"And so good of Radek to volunteer to help you as well…"

Radek and Rodney shared a look of horror.

"Oh no, no, no, we're too busy to build lots of bots for people…" Rodney protested.

"But you obviously enjoy the work, using Expedition supplies…"

"Um…well…" Rodney narrowed his eyes, but couldn't deny that last part.

"And seeing as John seems so interested in this as well, I'm sure he'd be happy to help out too."

Elizabeth smiled brightly, Rodney and John both groaned, and Radek grimaced.

"Or you could build me a dog-bot, and I'll forget all about it."

John laughed in relief.

"All you had to do was ask, Elizabeth," he said.

"Oh but this way was far more fun. You should have seen your faces," she teased.

The End


End file.
